Since i last posted, here are just some of the faces that have set their own destiny on football’s ever-slippery pole.

Taxi pleeeeaassse!!!!

King Kev illustrates just how much he loves Mike Ashley

Guys, the goal is THIS WAY!!!

Anton, you're supposed to be defending this bloody goal!

OK, fair enough, I'm off. (Wait 'til Elton hears about this!)

A Director of Football can work, dammit!

For every down, there’s an up …

I'm your man guv'nor, trrrifffic.

What's wrong with a cockney mafia?

Who said it's grim up north, mate? Why Aye Man!

We’re only a few months into the season, so who ’s to say the top lot won’t replace the bottom lot by season’s end. Stranger things have happened, you know?

Did i miss anyone out? Who would you have added to this lot?

For how long, who knows, but COTAHT is back.

The Bitch is Back.

Depending on the color of your shirt, the last few days of EURO 2008 have been the best/worst in some time. You are either proud of your worthy underdogs or still in shock that your team picked the wrong time of the tournament to be average.

Just what was in the Portugese/Dutch/Croatian pre-game water? Why were they so off form? The Dutch couldn’t put three passes together at times. The Dutch, for God’s sake! Did the Croats underestimate the Turks? How could they after that Czech game?

Despite, or perhaps because of, the upsets this weekend the tournament continues to be one of the most exciting of recent memory. And be sure, this is no Euro 2004, where a boring but organized underdog 1-0′d their way to the championship. Turkey attack your goal like an irritating terrier that just won’t stop yapping at your door. Russia pass, move, and smile their way past opponents. They are clinical in their approach (if not in their finishing) and seem to have a bottomless fitness tank.

But today is Sunday. That Sunday. Spain v. Italy. No underdog today. Just two fanatical footballing nations going at each other (well, Spain will be). Two very different styles, two very difference coaches.

COTAHT has learned that making predictions is a dicey game to play, and ultimately not a successful one. But what the hell, Spain 3 – Italy 0. Put that on your bread and toast it.

But who’ll be dancing in the fountains this evening? Check here or here after the match, depending on the color of your shirt.

Who were we at COTAH to tell the big dodgy German ‘keeper when to bathe. Stop the taps! Put away the soap! Return those flip-flops to your locker Jens, ‘cos the German’s march on!

A thoroughly deserved win against a Portugal side that only got going when provoked. Interesting to note that the majority of the Portugese starting XI were coming off of a 8-day rest. The Germans played only 72hours earlier than today.

Ronaldo was not a factor, although he rarely received a decent early pass when he was trying to get the play going. Ricardo was a joke. In short, the Portugese were a pushover, literally (see Ballack’s version of the gentle touch, below).

Sure, they put the Germans thru the mangle for the last ten minutes, but don’t turn up late for the dance lads ‘cos your bird’s most likely already left with your best mate.

The German’s advance (insert your own trite joke here), the Portugese go home.

I’m off to scrub Jen’s back …

The quarter finals are here, and every match-up makes the mouth water. Well, the Turkey-Croatia game will be good, at the very least.

Germany-Portugal, Turkey-Croatia, Holland-Russia, and Spain-Italy has a little something for everyone. Each game promises much and, fingers crossed, will deliver. 

This is definitely ’sqeaky-bum’ time, but in a refreshing way, winning in this tournament seems to have been more about how well you can attack than how well you defend. Spain, Holland, Russia, Croatia, and to a lesser extent Portugal, have all shown that a positive approach to the game (meaning let’s go forward and score as many goals as we can) will bring rewards. This is marvellous to see in a day and age where many ’big teams’ have resorted to playing with a single striker and a packed defence/midfield. Winning ugly, i think it’s called, but is it the beautiful game? That’s up for argument. 

So on to today’s game, Germany-Portugal. Can Ronaldo live up to his increasingly large reputation as the current world’s best player (with the dodgiest haircut)? Will Podolsky keep on hammering them in? Will Germany’s entertainingly dodgy keeper ensure an early bath for his side? All questions, no answers yet, but i’d get the taps running now, Jens, if i were you.

Sweden out. The team which always makes it to the qualifying rounds of every  tournament were a shadow of their former selves. Jlungberg, Larsson et al looked a step behind and a yard back from the nimble Russians.  Sad to see “Henky” exit without a goal, but at 36, playing in elite international tournaments is beyond him (and a few others too). See you lads, good luck when you get home! (to a merciless Swedish press!) 

But as Sweden were bad, Russia were exceptional. Quick, slick, and mercilessly naive, they attack at every chance and play the type of one touch football that has sportscasters drooling (when it’s Brazil). 
Lucky Guus has (yet again) turned a very ordinary national team into genuine contenders. And as i  mentioned in an earlier post, their key players are now turning up. If they play to their potential, and seize their moment, great things could happen.  If they choke, it’s one ‘dreadful flight’ and they’ll be ’Back in the U.S.S.R.’

 The Russians meet the Netherlands on Saturday, which surely is the purists’ pick of the quarter final matches, no? Either way, it promises to be a cracker.

P.S. Makes you wonder why this man has never been seriously considered for the English national team job, given his knack of making the proverbial silk purse from sows ears.

“I love you boss, don’t change” …

Nine changes to the Dutch lineup and still a 2-0 victory over what has been seen to be quite a classy Romanian team. If you have not already, check out Van Persie’s goal in this game (see video’s to the right of this post). It’s a bit special. 

The color of this EURO trophy could will be Orange. Does anyone bet against this?

Oh yeh, now to the other match from today … ITALY WON, and still did not play very well. Sound familiar? I know, if i had a spare tenner (i don’t) it’d be on the Italians. France now must prepare for the new generation, because the current one is as worn as Ghandi’s Flip-flops. They huffed and puffed, but never looked like scoring. Except for Benzima’s irght-foot cracker, that is.

Italy now play Spain  (now that’s a cracker!). Holland play either Sweden or Russia.

… no surprise today, kids.  

Germany made tough going of it, though they were never threathened in their 1-0 win against Austria. Austria were exactly what it said on the tin: organised, fit, up-for-it, and about as likely to score as a hobbit in a knocking shop. 

Croatia, meanwhile, continue to show their growing (and limitless?) class as they made 9 changes to their  starting line up and still beat Poland 1-0. Poland are not a bad side. Technically sound and always in fantastic physical condition, they simply have no goal threat and the Croats put them away handily.

Croatia to play Turkey in the quarter finals. Germany to play Portugal. Ooooohh, that’s going to be nice.

Best part of today’s game was the ref. dismissing both managers to the stands for what he described as “persistant nagging,” according to ESPN’s Andy Grey (thank you ESPN, btw, for getting Mr. Grey to commentate. Now please put Tommy Smyth back where he belongs, on your building’s maintenance crew).

“Have a seat, lads”…

The referee made a complete bollocks of this, and would surely have done better to send himselfto the stands to make up for his pettiness. Watching German Coach Joachim Löw being greeted in the stands following his red card, however, by a handshake from German chancellor Andrea Merkel was a priceless moment. Talk about an official pardon.

“All he had to do was catch it” …

Of all the keepers to make a bollocks of a routine catch, you’d bet the house on it not being Peter Cech. But that’s the game, right? Just when you think the game is drawing to a predictable end, it gets turned upside down.

TAXI PLEASE ! 

Fair play to the Turks for battling on, you have to say they deserve something for that effort. But not since Britney shaved her bonce have we seen a downfall this spectacular. 

Also, where were the Czech subs? Surely Baros could have exploited on the counter with Koler so recognisably knackered. There are many places to point fingers after a game such as this, but the only direction which counts, in the end, is forward.  

Turkey are through, with Portugal. Czechs and the Swiss go home.

“All he had to do was kick it out” ….

The one thing that hurts even more than getting kicked between your own posts is conceding a goal in the last minute of the game.

Take an uncertain swede, mix with one lethal Spanish finisher, and this is what you get:

The swedes now have to beat Russia to qualify, which is no easy task if this fella finally finds his shooting boots. The so called “sleeping giant” of Russia shows more promise than a drunken prom-queen, but at 26 and with a must-win game coming up against Sweden, Pavlyuchenko needs to drop the frock and deliver the goods.

Swedes have it all to do, Russia are in with a shot, Spain are through.